Here’s a therapist answer for you… “it depends.”
Since it has been one year since our beautiful nuptials and now 1 year into my blogging (yay! Because I am more than surprised to make it to one year) I think it only necessary to reflect on this past year of marriage.
I have heard over and over that the first year of marriage is the hardest? I don’t know what world those people were living in, but ours was not at all. I feel blessed, but perhaps it was our circumstances.
Having been together for 4 years before we got married and even buying a house together before we got married or were even engaged, yeah maybe that had something to do with it.
I think it all depends on the situation, what is your story?
Had we waited to move in together for marriage I could see how this would have caused much more conflict. You have to learn to live with each other. Who puts the toilet seat down and who leaves it up? Who leaves the toothpaste on the counter top with the lid off?
Steven and I had the opportunity to iron all of these pet peeves out ahead of time.
We also had the process of buying a house under our belt. This is an emotional process. I cannot tell you how many times I cried. Not because of Steven, but you get attached to a house once you get it in your mind that you will put an offer on it. You start planning the rooms, decorating, and imagining your future family in it….and then it gets ripped away!!!
It is an emotional roller coaster that can cause you to argue and make irrational choices. You get scared not to jump on something because you don’t want to lose another one.
And the compromise….oh the compromise. We got A LOT of practice on this before our first year of marriage. Where to live, north or south. What your absolutes are in a house and what you could do without.
I wanted a basement…never been without one. Steven could give a shit about a basement as he had never had a house with a basement. Can I say CLOSET SPACE loud enough??? Bathroom, bathtubs….I mean we love to get ready together so we needed a bathroom big enough for me, him, and my drama. The bathroom is one of the places I have most of my meltdowns and things get thrown.
We were finally able to find what turned out to be the perfect house for us, but needless to say it was not without conflict.
Oh and then there’s the updating of the house. This was probably the most trying part of our relationship. We are both type A personalities who love to lead. Tie that into both of us working full time jobs and coming home to work nonstop painting, sanding, and scrapping. I cannot tell you how exhausted we were. We were close to murdering each other and many times questioned why the hell we bought a house together and we weren’t even married.
So by time this was all out of the way, we enjoyed the summer and our new house, got engaged in the winter, and had a whole 10 months to plan the wedding. By time the honeymoon came we were living it. This past year has been relaxing. It has been easy. We have our ups and downs like everyone else, but I feel like we got all of the hard stuff out of the way before all that.
I feel it’s important to note this because sooo many people, and probably just busting his chops, told Steven that everything goes downhill after marriage. I think it just depends. If you’re getting married because you think its going to fix something, or have a lot of life changes after marriage you yes, will likely experience discord, but don’t let other people get you down about it. Everyone’s experience is different.
I am glad we got all of that out of the way so we could have a pleasant experience, obviously not that we planned it that way, but I feel like we already had each other figured out at that point.