A dear friend reminded me of this topic that I feel very strongly about and always have. I get a lot of slack for it but I don’t care. I am sticking to my beliefs and no one will change that. Sounds serious right? Well it is but it isn’t. I will give you 5 reasons not to fart in front of your husband.
To fart or not to fart?
That is the question here.
Many people argue that one should feel comfortable with their partner in order to relieve themselves and they should not have to be uncomfortable by holding it in. NONSENSE! If it was about comfort people would be farting alllll over the place.
Are you NOT farting in front of your friends and coworkers or even strangers because you are LESS comfortable around those people than you are your partner? No!
You aren’t farting in front of your friends and co-workers and strangers because it is RUDE because it is a foul smell and down right nasty!!!!! EWE!!!! No one wants to smell your butthole!
But seriously here are 5 Reasons Not to Fart in Front of Your Husband
1. You Have Become Complacent
Remember in the beginning of your relationship when you were reserved and you hid all the snot, boogers, and farts? When you never would have picked your teeth in front of him, peed or pooped with the door open? What happened to those days? Did we become lazy? Why did we stop caring? You know what I miss? When you had a date and you both got ready at differently places and all you saw was the finished product. Now you get ready side by side and see the whole thing from start to finish. I suppose on the positive end you get to see how much work they are putting in for you, but you just don’t get the opening of the door wow factor. Sometimes I just want to get ready in a different room so we can have that again. There are so many lost moments after you have been in a relationship for years and live together. Don’t become complacent and give up on all of these efforts we make to impress our partner. Especially don’t ruin it by farting!
Another reason is out of respect. You are tainting the environment with your taint! Who wants to hang out in a room that smells like farts all day? You wants to eat dinner next to farts? I mean I understand if one accidentally slips out, we have all been there. But lets not make it a habit of just letting it go when we feel the urge.
3. They Get the Worst Version of You
This is a tough one because I do get needing an outlet for support and someone to vent to at the end of the day, but you need to have a balance. I don’t think it is fair for your partner to be your only outlet. Whether you are venting through your mouth or your butthole.
Share the love! Don’t call your husband every day after work and spew your soul about every shitty thing that happened that day. He probably will no longer look forward to talking to you and thus not call you as much. I mean we did not do all of that in the beginning of the relationship. Why does everything have to go downhill when one is committed to their partner?
We tend to give everyone else around us the best parts of us….even the cleanest and most fresh smelling air, yet we get home and fart all over our partner verbally and literally. What did they do to deserve that?
I say we fart on our co-workers and stop farting on our partners if you must fart in public at all. THEY are getting paid to work with you and your partner is CHOOSING to spend time with you. Doesn’t make sense!?
4. He Will Think It’s Okay for Him
I think we all know that men are far more stinky than women. They have to fart more frequently and they are much more potent. If you start farting in front of him on the reg, he is going to fart in front of you more! He will think it is okay if you are doing it. You are walking a dangerous line and opening up Pandora’s box that you will never be able to close! Once you start, you can’t really go backwards and set those boundaries.
5. It Kills the Romance
The number one reason….is the sex! First of all, obviously we all know…well I hope you know…that sex is important in any partnership to feel connected, loved, and satisfied sexually. No no that does not mean that it is sufficient, but it is necessary.
I would take a wild guess that most women are not having as much sex as their male partners would like to be. SO, yes this post is for men not just women. I mean are you going to want to give your husband blowie if he just farted under the sheets? Hell no!!!!! Who wants to put their face down there? Even if he comes out of the sheets the last thought you have in your mind is him blowing stink out of his butthole where you are about to put your face very close to!
And vice versa… is your hubby going to want to go down on you if you are farting all over the place? Ok ok I hear a lot of women getting ideas about how to keep their handsy hubby off of them.
Bottom line…farting kills your marriage. Don’t do it.