Don’t Tell Me How It’s Going To Be

I feel like being a newlywed, as I suppose I’m still considered in the honeymoon phase based on peoples reactions and responses when I tell them how long I’ve been married, I feel like nobody takes me seriously.

I feel like people think that I don’t know what I’m talking about and I feel like people undermine my thoughts and views on marriage. Is everyone that unhappy that they can’t accept that someone else is?

I find this a lot in couples counseling that I do. People look at me like I’m optimistic and naive to what is going on in marriages and how “it’s going to be” years down the road.

Not that I don’t feel like my clients take me seriously but when they come to me after years of failure and disappointment in their marriage I think it’s hard for them to take advice from someone who’s only been married for two years.

It saddens me that people experience such changes and differences in their marriage years down the road and just assume that that’s how “it’s supposed to be” that they assume that this is how it’s going to be and it’s not going to change. They seem to have lost all hope that their partner is willing to adjust and meet their needs.

Just because a marriage has been going on for 20 years 10 years or even five years doesn’t mean that it should be any different than it was in the beginning.

Couples should still support each other, couples should still listen to each other‘s needs and try and make changes. It’s not something you give up on after time and I think that’s what happens is people just give up. They don’t keep fighting they don’t keep trying or maybe frankly they just don’t care anymore. And I think that falls more on the person than the sanctity of marriage. Take responsibility for it and don’t blame it on marriage.

Call me silly call me immature call me childish call me a newlywed still in bliss but I have no doubt in my mind that my husband will still be making efforts in our relationship and our marriage 10 years down the road.

Divorces happen not because the expectations of marriage change as time goes on but because people change. Because people give up and people stop trying.

I don’t feel that it’s fair to assume that everyone will. I will forever be optimistic and not allow people to tell me how my life is going to turn out. That only makes me more determined to prove them wrong.