Ever notice how you drop off the planet when you are not doing well? Like we hide from the world? I always know when my clients are struggling the most because they miss appointments, they start rescheduling or just don’t show. I know…I do the same thing! It’s called shame.
I didn’t even want to go to the doctor the other day because I knew they were going to weigh me and the appointment had nothing to do with my weight. I just did not want to see that number on the wall at the doctor’s office. I did not want the doctor to display or experience disappointment in me. The last time I was there it was because of my weight and thus I failed.
This is always an important time to ask yourselves….what is it that I am hiding? If you are doing something you should not be doing or you know is unhealthy for you, this is always a good clue.
When relationships are not going so great, we hide from our friends. When we are not meeting our goals, we hide from our therapists, our doctors, our support system.
As a therapist, I wonder what can I do in these moments? I don’t always want to assume the worst if someone is cancelling an appointment, but I want to let them know that they will not be shamed. They will be praised for asking for help in the darkest moments. They will be praised for continuing on when it is the hardest. I sometimes send a motivational and light texts to my clients when they have missed a few appointments. Letting them know that this is when they need to push the hardest.
As some of you know I created a group on my Facebook called “B’s Accountability Page.” This was I believe right before the wedding after I hit the 200 mark for the first time in my life and about shit my pants. I knew I needed to do something drastic….like tell Facebook how much I weighed. That was scary. Did it help? Not sure. I lost some weight for the wedding of course…I had some great motivation obviously. I did intend for the page to be ongoing because I was not just trying to lose weight for the wedding. I wanted to lose weight to be healthy, to run faster, to be able to do pull ups…still did not meet that goal of 2 by the end of 2018. I wanted to be able to fit into ALLLLL of the clothes in my closet! That would be a dream come true!
But I find myself…now 2 and a half months after the wedding having not held myself accountable at all. I even find myself thinking that I will post something on there when I lose weight? What the shit is that? Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose? Seriously…like I’m going to go to the doctor when I am healthy or I am going to make my counseling session when all is good in the hood and I don’t even need counseling. But that is the f-ed up world we live in…don’t let anyone see you when you’re down.
And people wonder why people kill themselves and everyone is staring at each other like, “I never saw that coming, they were so happy.” Let people know when you need help, when you need it the most.