I want to make this page a little different. I am not going to lie, I am trying to make it easier on myself, being a new mom and all…you have to find ways to cut corners. This page will be more of a journal of such, so the newest content will be at the top and the oldest at the bottom. I hope you enjoy our journey!


6.6.20

So I did a thing today….

35.5 weeks 5lbs 14oz

5.28.20

I’m not doing very good at keeping posted on here! We are 34 weeks and counting!! Just had another doctor appointment. Everything continues to look good and healthy! We have another appointment in 2 weeks to see about how big my V is getting 😳😂. And we also will do another ultrasound to see her positioning. Only sad thing is Steven is unable to come to appointments with me 😒.

Baby Stella is super active! Literally the creepiest thing I’ve ever experienced. I feel like she’s dying to get out. I am getting super excited to dress her up!

I have to say and maybe this will change the farther we get to the end, but I think the 3rd trimester is my favorite. Despite the carpel tunnel I now have and the barrel rolling out of bed, I think my bump is cute, I am not feeling depressed anymore, and I feel all this excitement. I felt it in the first trimester but I think it wore off by the second because I already painted the baby room and things were just dragging on. Now I feel like it’s close enough to look forward to because we are almost there!!!


4.28.20

How sad is it that I am super excited about my new flavor of tums. My coworker said, “well that’s like 1/2 your diet right now so makes sense.” 🤷🏼‍♀️


4.21.20

This is what happens when you’re pregnant during quarantine. 🤷🏼‍♀️


4.15.20

28 weeks and 2 days! Officially in the 3rd trimester!!! I’m going to make a prediction….I think Stella is going to be early. I feel like she is falling out of my who ha sometimes. I also have very week walls or whatever you want to call it down there. I was peeing my pants before I was pregnant 🙄

Apparently she is a large eggplant this week 🍆. I need to do better at taking pictures.


3.30.20

26 weeks today!! She’s apparently a coconut today! Still working through this pandemic!! If someone gets sick at the hospital I will probably go down to part time. Steven is doing the grocery shopping but other than that not much has changed!! Worried about my baby shower though 🥺 but can’t be selfish in these times. I want everyone to be safe!!


3.22.20

Seriously not sure how we have 3 more months to go. I feel like she’s going to fall out of my vagina sometimes 😳


3.20.20

Daddy felt her kick!!! I feel her kicking me alllllll of the time but it’s been hard for him to feel with the placenta in the front. We cannot wait for her to get here!! 🤩🤩


3.19.20

Went to the ultrasound for the second time to get some pics. Baby girl is feet down which makes ALOT of sense considering it

Feels like she’s dancing on my bladder. She is 1.9 lbs and in the 51%.

She was still not in a great position so I have to go back for more pictures 🥴

Everything is going good though!!


2.23.20

So, we found out what we are having! I have to say I am excited. This has been a roller coaster of a journey so far. At first, I started out only wanting a boy because of fear. Fear due to the tumultuous relationship I had with my mother as a teen. Fear she will be like me. Difficult. Ornery. Stubborn. And a lot of sass.  Rationally I know I have some good qualities in there somewhere, but I am my worst critic.

I have to say that I was very excited to have a girl. My fears subsided and I thought to myself, because of what I went through I will be better quip to teach her and help her. The only thing I am not so excited about is all of the PINK! I am not a pink person! Everything is pink!


2.19.20

20 Week Ultrasound

Everything looked good and healthy! ❤️

Daddy is excited!

1.9.20

OMG BABY CAN HEAR US!!! So creepy I feel like the CIA is listening. I told Steven no more arguing from here on out!


1.7.20

We had our third doctors visit today which didn’t really do much other than checking the heart rate which we found out was 155.

So here’s the deal… Steven wants a boy because most men want boys. I want a boy because I am terrified of having a girl. I love the name Stella and I’m very excited to have a baby named Stella in a little girl is adorable however once she becomes a teenager she will become the spawn of Satan.

Shoot now days little girls are becoming little women much earlier this terrifies me. I

I have a lot of bad karma coming my way.

Also, I would be satisfied having one child and I think Steven would too from what we have discussed. If we have a girl that means we will likely have another one to try for a boy. If we have a boy the likelihood of us sticking with one is greater.

Seeing as this baby will be ripping MY vagina wide open I would prefer to only have that happen one time. Thus I would prefer a boy.


12.12.19

Ultra Sound Number 2 on 12.10.19


12.9.19


12.8.19

The Lord hadth answered my prayers! I have had a good nights sleep 4 whole nights in a row!!!!! What have I done to deserve this????

I did start using by back electroshock thingy a few nights ago, but not while I as sleeping but midday when my back wasn’t really hurting yet or at night while I was wrapping presents and things.

I am feeling so much better!!!


12.1.19

Soooo….this is happening. Too soon? Well we jumped the gun and bought this before we were even pregnant but that didn’t seem to jinx us. Feeling a little worried at 9 weeks as a fellow MTB lost hers at 12 weeks 😭

11.30.19

NOT A CHANCE IN SAM HELL AM I SUCKING THE BUGGERS OUT OF MY CHILDS NOSE!!

Why is this even a thing? Who is responsible for this??????? I cannot even 😳😳😳


11.22.19

My New Best Friend

No morning sickness. I heard that might mean a boy. I am tired and super emotional.


11.18.19

Tired. Not sleeping well. Waking up every hour on the hour. Thank goodness for my mother in law sending fabulous meals home!!


11.16.19

Not feeling cute after one of my close friends posted a picnof her 6 pack baby bump. Being mean to myself 😒 judging myself. But she forced me to take one anyways. Don’t want to regret not doing it later.

6 weeks 4 days. Not baby bump but most likely Taco Bell baby bump

11.15.19

First Doctor’s Appointment Friday, November 15, 2019

Today, we found out we were 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant! We also found out our due date of July 6, 2020! We were able to see the little nugget through a vaginal ultrasound and even the heartbeat!!! Steven also got to find out what it was like in an OBGYN’s office and what the stirrups look like!


I again was not very specific with instructions as my mother thought the doctor’s appointment was clearance that she could announce it on Facebook. Another moment taken away from us. 😒 Hopefully not many saw it before I asked her to take it down…it was only up for 7 minutes. We wanted to be the ones to announce it to the world.


11.10.19

I have to say that it was not as easy being sneaky when we told my family as we did not have the opportunity to do such an exciting and sneaky moment with my family as we did with Steven‘s mom.

Since it was her birthday, we could easily wrap something up. I knew if I brought a gift they would know something was up and so I tried to be as casual about it as possible and maybe too casual.

Well what we ended up doing was getting these wonderful scratch off tickets on ETSY. My dad always tends to give scratch offs on the holidays and just randomly when he feels like it so I didn’t think it would be too off-the-wall.

Steven, being the story teller that he is, made up that huge big story when we gave them the tickets at the end of dinner. He said that these were the last five tickets on the roll and that nobody had won yet and the cashier guaranteed that somebody was going to win $100. Kind of far fetched right? Because if you were that cashier, wouldn’t you buy them yourself?

Well, Steven must be a very good storyteller as you probably know if you know him well, and they bought it and they were all scratching away at their tickets even after they saw the prize was a big present that said

“We’re Pregnant!”

They still scratched and scratched and scratched away looking for prize money. I think they were also confused as to how we got the scratch off tickets to say that we were pregnant on them.


Well, unfortunately my father decided to go and announce to all the rest of our family rather than us getting to tell them at Thanksgiving. I guess I’ll be more specific with instructions next time. 🙄


11.9.19

Today has been such a hard day keeping my mouth closed ALL DAY about being pregnant. I was really anxious all day long trying to be patient to tell them. We went out and about downtown for Steven‘s mom‘s birthday and then planned to come back to the house for cake and presents.

The whole day we had a couple bumps in the road. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t take my prenatal vitamins this morning but I got a massive headache like no other. I needed some aspirin and I couldn’t remember what I was allowed to take or not take.

I was waiting for his sister to bring me something all while she was asking me what I would prefer. I couldn’t very well be like, “Hey Sis let me check my phone real quick.” So she just handed me some Bayer aspirin because she works for them. I pretended to take it and stuck it in my pocket. I looked it up on my phone when I had the chance to be sneaky and this is not something that I was able to take. I had to just let my headache subside.

Today we told Steven’s family the good news!

Later on in the day we were at the restaurant. If you know me well at all you know I’m a bit of a wino and my family would suspect something if I was not partaking in wine at lunch as my sister-in-law was. She ordered a glass of wine and I was asked if I would like one and everyone turned and looked at me as they waited for a response 🤷🏼‍♀️ what was I to do? I smiled and said yes of course!

Steven was glaring at me from across the room like he was so confused asking “what are you doing oh my God the babies going to die.” Well clearly I did not plan on drinking the wine. I planned to slowly sip the wine and not actually take a drink of it and then just pawn it off on my sister-in-law which is what I did.

I took a couple faux drinks and then told her it wasn’t sitting well with my stomach and I wasn’t in the mood for it and gave it to her. It was really hard with all the excitement not to tell our family all day long but it turned out to be a pretty good surprise when later that evening we were opening the presents.


11.9.19

Today was really hard. I dont know if it was my hormones…probably not in this case. I got really upset as I for a bit as I thought my dad would not be there at the lunch we scheduled to announce the pregnancy.

I had sent a text to my family members asking them to meet Steven and I at the Dew Drop Inn on Sunday. I originally did not get an answer from anyone but my mother 😒

Eventually, well after I sent another reminder later that week, got a response from my dad, “Not interested in the Dew Drop.” 😭 the thought of my father not being there…Soul Crushing. But also not wanting to give me into his rude nonspecific text. 😒 I started bawling. 😭

Why was it so hard to plan this? Did I have to tell them what it was for so it was important enough for my father to go? I was going to tell my family whether he was there or not. He could have at least said, “hey could we maybe go somewhere else?”

He obviously ended up going, but I’m sure it took some coaxing from my mother. Luckily I did not have to experience this without him there.


11.3.19

I’m not experiencing any morning sickness at this point or really anything else other than it feels like I’ve done a bunch of crunches. I don’t really think I’m that far along though. My first day of my last period was September 30. I would think that put us at conceiving on October 14 when I was ovulating next but who knows we will know more when we get to the doctor next week on Friday, November 15.

11.2.19

Steven keeps asking me if I want him to quit drinking with me. I told him this is ridiculous I have no reason for him to do that. I mean even if I did it’s only been a couple days it’s not like I am in a dire situation and I’m having alcohol withdrawals or anything. I told him to ask me again in four months 🤣🤣🤣


10.31.19

At this point we had decided that we were going to tell our families the following week. Neither one of us feels like we could actually wait a solid three months or into the first trimester. And lo and behold we were right.

Our neighbors came over to have some drinks, sit by the fire, roast some marshmallows and pass out candy on this cold Halloween night. As soon as they walked in the door Steven was jumping up and down like a little kid and could not hold in the news. I don’t think they were in our house for more than five minutes before he told them. I think he was just extra giddy because I got to tell somebody at work that day out of necessity. Being pregnant and doing my job might pose some risk and so for safety reasons I needed to tell my two coworkers well before anybody else knew.

And then our other neighbors came over. Steven couldn’t hold it in for them either I don’t know how he is going to last very long. But honestly I don’t know that I will either I know people say that you should wait at least after the first trimester to tell others or at least tell the world but I don’t know that I can wait that long.

I realize that there is a risk that you take by having to divulge if there is a loss but you know I mean I’m already writing a blog about my life and terrible things that I have gone through so wouldn’t it be kind of hypocritical to not talk about this aspect of my life? Well I guess I wouldn’t call it hypocritical but I’m comfortable with it I guess I can say that. I’m comfortable telling the world this happened to me and if things don’t work out it’s going to be OK or letting people know that I’m heartbroken or that my world is crumbling down around me not because I need sympathy but because it’s so much of a topic that women go through alone they shouldn’t have to do that. They should not have to feel like they can’t talk about it. For Pete’s sake I’m a therapist let’s talk about the good the bad and the ugly.

Any Who we have decided at this point to tell our parents next weekend, we already have plans with his family for his mom’s birthday so we have a perfect opportunity that we don’t have to schedule something out of the norm and make it seem obvious. What we plan to do as it is mom’s birthday is to give her a present with Grammy3 and Papa3 on it.

10.30.19

This is day two of finding out I was pregnant we were looking for a little bit more confirmation than a dollar tree pregnancy test. It turns out that the dollar tree pregnancy test worked. I picked up clear blue digital on the way home from work, did my business and Wala here we are. Needless to say things escalated quickly, that did not take very long I stopped taking my birth control on August 16 😳😳😳😳


10.29.19

Read from top to bottom to next column

I went to the hair salon or I guess eyelash salon to get my eyelashes done by my friend Kristen. She was the first person to find out. She didn’t find out that morning while I was getting my eyelashes done but I had mentioned that I was late on my period so we were kind of talking about what might be. Later that evening we were sending texts back-and-forth all the while I was taking a pregnancy test at home by myself. Steven was down in Cape Girardeau that night and I sent her a picture of the results because I really didn’t know what it meant. I had taken a pregnancy test before and usually if you get too much pee on it sometimes you’ll be able to see the second line just because it’s wet.

I kind of felt bad because the first person to find out that I was pregnant was Kristen and not my husband but you know hey that’s just how things work out sometimes.

I really was not thinking that the test would be positive when I sent her the picture that was really the last thing on my mind. But lo and behold she text me back in SAYING “OMG you are pregnant! “

That was on Tuesday, October 29. In between texting with Kristen I called Steven on FaceTime kind of freaking out telling him to get his mother because I just could not believe that this was actually true I wanted another more experienced woman to look at the pregnancy test and he said hold up no let’s just take a minute we don’t need to tell her like that.

He and I chatted for a little bit on FaceTime in private as we let the information sink in. He was going to be home the next night so we decided we would get a more reliable test the next day.


THE BEGINNING