WIFE

So, I have not been married very long at this point. I want to be completely frank about my lack of experience in this area. I really do not have any business giving anyone advice about this shit…but I will do my best. I mean…I am a therapist and all.

I married my Prince Charming…gross I know… but he really is, on Saturday, October 20, 2018 that happened to be ….

“The Sweetest Day.”  Look that up…it’s another excuse to eat chocolate!

Basically here I am…newlywed…writing a blog about being a wife. Nonsense right!? Well, I am here to share some of my experiences as my journey of Great Expectations (this is my favorite movie and part theme of my wedding so you will see the film referenced in multiple avenues) has come to be and how it plays out in real life.

As I do not have much to add in this section considering I have been a wife for a hot minute…I will let you know that it has always been my goal to prove people wrong…

I learned this from my therapist…I am determined in many aspects and that includes being a wife and a great one at that. I will tell you more on that later.

THERAPIST

Being a therapist encompasses a large piece of my life to the dismay of many of those in it, especially my husband. He has learned so much about thoughts and feelings that he could probably be one himself. I have even begged him not to disclose (see…therapist terminology already) to our future children that I am a therapist. If they find out this deep dark secret about me…every bit of advice I give them will be responded with… “don’t give me that psychobabble bull SH@* Mom!” I know this for a fact as I have seen it repetitively on cable television.

For this curse of mine I apologize to all of those around me for the pain of constant analysis that they endure in my presence. Just kidding, my brain would explode if I worked that hard. But it does get super annoying even to me sometimes as I have to be very careful about what hat people want me to be wearing and when. I’m not great at it, not gonna lie.

Anywho… I love being a therapist. I have many other aspirations in life, but this one, I do not know if I could give up. I obtained my Master’s degree at Western Illinois University and became a Licensed Professional Counselor.

I went on internship with inpatient adults and elderly, men and women, with diagnosis from Major Depressive Disorder, Schizophrenia, Antisocial and Borderline Disorders, Sexual Offenders, and Psychopaths. I loved it so much I decided to stay there and I have been working there ever since.

Aside from all of that exciting stuff, I have a second job doing therapy on the side where I see a bit more typical peeps such as children, families, and couples.  Maybe one day I will venture out and have an animal therapy farm full of goats and cats and bunnies…here’s to hoping!

SURVIVOR

First off ,I want to explain the significance of this photo that you are probably looking at, like wtf? I struggled with what I wanted this photo to represent and how I wanted to portray this section. I know what I wanted it to look like, but what it felt like was a whole different concept, so I tried to exemplify both. I wanted to portray my strength and courage that I have overcome so much and am now a stronger person, like who doesn’t want to view themselves as superwoman? Hence the gym gear…but what I was really feeling inside and what has been holding me back for years is the pain and fear and the shame that makes me want to burrow in my favorite oversize sweater coat. So there you go…that’s what that is…carry on.

When I start this column…I think of the word “coward.” I am lacking courage. I do not know if I need it, but I do feel some sense of shame with this whole #Me Too movement going on. I am a Survivor of sexual trauma, sexual assault, whatever you want to call it.  I want to talk about it, but I don’t. Some of my people know about it and some don’t. I feel somewhat obligated as a woman…some would think a strong, educated, and assertive woman, to stand up and say,

“It happened to me too.”

I don’t know if I am supposed to or if I should even feel bad about not being ready to, but I do. Perhaps at some point I will feel comfortable talking about what exactly it was and how it happened…that’s part of my plan.

My husband has been a big part of making me feel as though I may be in a place where I am ready to do that. I feel like my situation is very confusing and can often leave people wondering how someone got themselves wrapped up in something of such. That is what I feel is most meaningful about my story, is that it could help people understand how a typical teenager from a lovely home with two parents, a brother, a cat and a dog can get wrapped up in something so awful that takes years to tear yourself away from.
BS 11.2018